We Really Want to Know, How Are You Now?

To my dear sister:

Dear sister who shares the same blood with me, how come we haven’t met in more than ten years? I miss you so. How is everything? Are you living a good life as I've always wished for you?

Although it has been 17 years, I still remember clearly your adorable face the day you were born. Our parents held you tightly in their hands and the household was filled with happiness and joy. Your other older sister and I, though young, were so happy because of your arrival, and we danced around you. However, the happiness was short. Due to the Family Planning policy at that time, we had to hide you from the government. 

At first, Mom and Dad took you out of the town where you were born, and brought you to other towns to avoid the civil servants who carried out the Family Planning policy. But the attempt was not very effective. Then our parents took another approach: to hire an old man to take care of you (Poor as we were, our parents made every effort to keep you well. They spent all they had to hire this person to look after you). We hoped that the storm of Family Planning would pass soon so that we could pick you up as soon as possible. But things went awry, the storm swept across the country, and it was so vigorous that no one could hide from it. All those involved in concealing children would be severely punished. Their homes and those of their relatives would be torn down, their furniture emptied, their people jailed and their kids forcibly taken away. The old man we hired was scared of the policy and refused to take care of you, which put we in a dilemma. 

After taking everything into consideration, our best solution was to put you into the orphanage, which at least allowed us to know your whereabouts. Since then, Mom and Dad often went secretly to the orphanage to see you, but they dared not to tell anyone, for fear that you would be forced to be sent to another place. At that time, I was only nine years old. I often saw our parents wipe tears secretly and as a kid, I knew that was because they missed you. A year later, we were told that you had been sent to America. At that time, our parents were very sad and thought that they would never see you again, but they also prayed that you would have a better life in America. 

Since then, Dad has suffered from sleep problems. For 16 years, Dad never slept at night. Knowing that you were sent to America, I made up my mind to help our parents find you. That's why I chose English as my major in college. I want to find you, my dear sister. I miss you very much. How are you doing right now?

I often wonder how happy we would be if you were with us. How I wanted to take care of you, to give you a candy when you cried as a child; how I wish I could be by your side when you are in adolescence, when you are in trouble, share both your happiness and bitterness... I want to do my sister's duty and take good care of you. Accompany you on your path to an adult. Dear sister, we really want to know, how are you now? If you know that we are looking for you, can you contact us and let us know what you've been through? We miss you very much. Wish you all the best in America!

Not a Single Day

I gave birth to a baby girl when I went out to work in Henan province. Before she was born, I had already given birth to a disabled daughter and a son. At that time, I was pregnant unexpectedly and my parents couldn't make any other choice. I still had to bear a lot of pressure to support her. I stayed in Henan province until my daughter was a month old, and then I went back to the rural hometown of Anhui Province, Anqing City, Wangjiang County.

At the time the National Family Planning policy was very strict, as another child was not allowed in this situation. As I expected, after two days, local villagers came to my home and talked about the policy of Family Planning. They said my child was not allowed to be born, or in the future, the child can’t go to school and register permanent residence. I was helpless, with giving up my own flesh and blood of love, and I was forced to let the Family Planning staff take her to the orphanage in Anqing city.

Since my daughter left, we parents were worried about her and thought of her day and night. I went to the orphanage in 2005 to make sure my daughter was in a good situation of adoption. The institution staff said, according to the national related law, that learning about her was not allowed. Now I can't find my daughter whereabouts, after losing her more than ten years ago, and not a single day goes by without thinking of her, also looking for her by all kind of methods, ending up so far with nothing.

Thank you very much!

Guiyang, Hunan: My Poor Daughter, Where On Earth Are You?

I am a villager in Guiyang County, Hunan Province. In 2002, my daughter, who was less than six months old, was sent to the Welfare home by the government illegally, whereabouts unknown since then. In the following years, I sold all my property and kept petitioning to look for my daughter. However, I haven’t heard any news about her until now.

I wasn’t married until I got into my forties because of poverty. Even when I got married, I didn’t have a marriage certificate. After May 10th, 2001, when our second child was born, my wife migrated to the city for jobs with my little daughter. On January 19th, 2002, the staff of the county government captured my wife and intended to perform an operation to make her unable to give birth. The government also required me to hand in 4,000 yuan. I didn’t have the money. That night, I asked all my acquaintances for money and finally only raised 400 yuan. The next morning, I handed the money in and kept borrowing money from my relatives and friends. When I came back to the hotel where the government staff and my wife had lived in, I found they had disappeared. A villager told me that my wife escaped and the staff sent my daughter to the orphanage. He told me to find my daughter soon. I went to the county welfare home immediately to find my daughter. Chen, the director of the welfare home, said: “You don’t have the right to find your daughter, do you? You’re not the one who sent your daughter here and you need to ask you county government staff for your daughter.” I had no choice but to return to Baishui township. However, all the staff had begun a vacation and had gone back home to enjoy their Spring Festival.

I went back to Guiyang County to continue my search. When I met the staff a few days later, they told me that my wife had escaped. I asked: “How did she escape? How about my daughter?” They said there were others taking care of my daughter, which, according to them, was better than me raising her. They asked me to find my wife, hand in the money, and undergo the operation so that I could bring my daughter back. I said: “ The Spring Festival is coming. Please let me take my daughter home. I am worried to put my daughter in other places and I cannot bare the resulting living expenses. I haven’t given in all the money for the operation. Doesn’t it add to my woes?” They said: “You don’t need to care about those things! You just need to find your wife and ask her to undergo the operation!” I had to find my wife.

After the Spring Festival, I found my wife and accompanied her for the operation as required. After the operation, I asked the government for my daughter back. They said: “You need to hand in all the money first (I had handed in 800 yuan).” I begged: “I could sign a loan agreement. Please let me bring my daughter back.” They rejected my pleas. Finally, they told me to find my daughter in the orphanage myself.

I sent my wife home and went to the welfare home again. But Chen told me that the government did not send child to their place. I went to the government again. Like this, they evaded their responsibilities and I was like a ball kicked between the government and the orphanage.

I was informed later that my daughter was sent to the orphanage in Changsha on January 31th, 2002, without noticing the government and me, and without announcement. What's more, my daughter has been adopted by a foreign family!

Since we were unable to find my daughter back, my wife went insane and left home. I started to petition for finding my daughter. The villagers said my daughter might be sold to foreign countries for organ transplanting. My heart was broken!

My poor daughter, where on earth are you?

I Never Gave You Up, Never!

I am the most irresponsible mother in the world! I gave birth to my daughter when I was unmarried,

on lunar February 18th, 2000. It was rainy in Guangdong. The child’s grandma, her father’s mother, knew it was a girl rather than a boy. For that reason, she disagreed about our relationship even more than before. When my daughter was one month old, she threw all my clothes on the ground outside and trampled them to drive me away. She didn't allow me to take my daughter, declaring that I wouldn't be able to take care of her. I left my daughter with her with only 30 yuan in my pocket. 

Then I went into an electronic factory in Dongguan as an assembly line worker with the help of my fellow-townsman. I swore that I would make enough money to bring my daughter back with me. About one year later, I went for my kid, but her grandma forbade me from seeing her. With despair, I came back to the factory again. Three years passed by. I became a shift leader. I went to see my kid again, only to find the father had broken the commitment and organized a new family with a daughter. They refused to tell me where my daughter was. I cried and protested. It all turned out useless.

In 2004, I went to Changsha, Hunan Province from Guangdong. I've been a waitress in restaurants, worked in hospitals, was a vegetable dealer in a vegetable market since then. At last, a friend introduced me to a real state company as a salesperson. Then I met my husband. We have succeeded in career and have a happy family with three children, but I still can’t stop thinking of my eldest daughter who was lost. I felt really pained. I made a confession to my husband. Rather than being mad, he hugged me and said, ”You've been suffering so much. Why didn't you tell me earlier? I will face it with you!” 

With the support of my husband, I started searching. I knew the father would go back to his hometown for Spring Festival, so I went there in 2015, without telling anyone. At that time, both he and his wife were there. The father knew that I must have come for our daughter, so he dragged me to the roadside. I asked for some clues, but he wouldn't tell me. I threatened him that I would tell everything to his wife. He finally told me: My daughter’s father and uncle had left my daughter in the alley where the Nanxi Police Station was located in Zhuhai, so that the father could find a new wife more easily. 

I truly am the most irresponsible mother in the world! My daughter, I never gave you up! I would always prepare a birthday present every year on your birthday. Where are you, my daughter? I went to the orphanage to do volunteer work for two days every month from 2004 till now. I regarded every girl sent to the orphanage for some reason as my own daughter. My daughter, I never wish you would accept me as a mom. The only thing I want is to know where you are. You are 19 years old now. On your birthday this year, I went to the place where I gave birth to you, Maowan Village, San Xiang, Zhongshan City. The village was the same as two decades ago; only my daughter and I had been apart! 

My daughter, I never give you up, never! No matter how successful and powerful I am, I still felt pain at my bottom of my heart. My daughter, I cried so much that now I can't live without wearing glasses. My daughter, to find you is the goal which supports me come through life these years. I will never stop searching for you!

Today is lunar April 1st in China. I go to temple to practice abstinence and pray for blessings on lunar 1st and lunar 15th every month. The monks told me that recently I would receive some clues, either good or bad.

I also applied for a passport in case, thinking that if I got any information, I could go to the city my daughter lives in. I just want to take a look at her from a distance. Without permission of her adoptive parents, I would never interrupt her life!